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I learned something when I wrote the first few chapters from Jody's point of view...she bossy. Like ridiculously bossy. I had zero intention of writing anything else from her point of view after I did the missing year, but she wouldn't shut up in my head. So, now you have their entire story from her side. With the rest done from her POV you get a new side of key moments between her and Ellie, plus a lot of moments of life for Jody, or moments Ellie's story just glanced over. I hope you enjoy!

This portion goes from the morning after they got back together to the end of the story as written thus far. So, chapters 8-11 (chapter 12 is the missing year.) I am toying with writing the next chapter with split POV, we shall see. At this point, I think Jody is in charge. I do plan to take a break from them and get working on the next chapters of Nell/Emma and Lena/Daphne. Lena has been yelling at me to continue them.

Please favorite, rate, comment and send me feedback. Enjoy!

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I felt warm lips on mine. It took me a second to remember where I was, and who was kissing me. I managed to mumble "Morning" to her. She had her hand to my face, moving my hair out of the way. Even just that light touch sent sparks through my body. We kissed, I sighed. I would have been content to stay in her bed all day, but that wasn't what our day would look like. Jessie knocked on the door, she was letting us know Timmy would be home soon.

I panicked a little when Ellie asked me if I was ready for him to know about us. I wasn't. I felt terrible, but I wasn't. We had been apart for a year. One night and saying 'I love you' 100 times wasn't going to fully close that rift. As much as I wanted it to. We still needed more slow and steady time. We needed time. She needed it, even if in that moment she didn't realize it.

"I don't know. I know I love you and I know I want to be with you forever. I just." My voice drifted out.

"I know. It's okay. We have to both be ready. "

"I'm sorry." My voice was barely a whisper. I hated this moment. I hated the time and future we had been robbed of. We could never get the time back, but we could get our future back. That was my goal.

I showered and we went downstairs to have breakfast. Timmy came home. He said hi to me like a year hadn't gone by. Like I was in his kitchen every morning. Kids were so resilient. That was something I had learned since Joe and I split. Even Kevin had shown much more ability to adapt than I thought he ever could.

While we ate, I decided I should go home for a few hours. I hadn't done much of anything to the house to get it ready to sell, and Joe was starting to get impatient with me. I had been so focused on Ellie, that I hadn't done much else.

I started to second guess my decision when I left the couch to put my coffee cup in the sink. I got back and she was zoned out. She insisted she was fine though. I left, went home and did some sorting and packing. Joe was coming over mid-week to get the rest of the stuff in the house that was 'his'. I packed and sorted for a few hours, then texted Ellie.

Me- I'm done. Whatcha wanna do?

Thirty minutes later she hadn't replied.

Me- Ellie?

Another 30 minutes later and I was starting to worry. I never should have left her.

Me- Ellie??

An hour later. If she didn't reply soon I was going to show up at her house. I tried calling but no answer.

Me- I hope everything is okay. Text or call me please.

My phone rang not long after. I was putting my sneakers on, ready to fly across town. I answered it. Relief washed over me. We talked. I was just glad to hear her voice. She had gotten drawn into a story she was writing for one of her classes.

"Want to come over for a movie?" No one was here. I wanted her to come here. I needed her to come here.

"Sure." I could hear her smile through the phone. "I'll grab food on my way over."

"Deal." I wondered if she could hear my smile.

I got the living-room set up for us to eat and watch. I was pacing around, when I saw her pull in the driveway. She didn't turn the engine off. She didn't open her door. Shit. I walked outside and carefully went to her door. The last 2 times I had been standing outside her car, she drove away from me. My heart skipped a beat as I tried to calm it.

I knocked quietly on her window, then started to open her door. She flinched the moment I did. I stopped moving. Her flinching hurt. Why was she afraid of me?

She slowly took her hands off the steering wheel, unbuckled and got out. I wrapped my arms around her, praying she wouldn't flinch again when I touched her. She didn't. She started crying though, then apologized. I wished she wouldn't. She shouldn't be sorry. I hated her feeling like this. Hated it. She started to calm, and I unwrapped my arms but stayed holding her hand.

I grabbed the take-out bag from the other seat, and we went inside. In the kitchen, she helped me unpack the food. I kept my güvenilir bahis eyes on her, watching for signs something worse was coming. Her lips were stiff. "I shouldn't have left you today." I should have known better. I had to do better.

"No, you have to live your life. I shouldn't need to be babysat." I hugged her again. I wasn't babysitting her though. I was taking care of the person I loved. Her mindset had to change too. She was my life.

We took our food into the living-room. "What are we watching?" she asked me.

"Mannequin. I finally found a dvd of it awhile back." I was excited to watch this movie with her. We both loved it when we were younger, and it had been decades since I'd seen it. She smiled.

We ate. I ate... Ellie barely touched the food on her plate. She pushed her tray aside and pulled her legs under her. Last night had shown me exactly how much weight she had lost. Too much. I was worried about her. I paused the movie.

"Ellie, you need to eat."

"I did."

"Barely." You could just see the small dent she made in the food pile. She had barely touched it. She didn't say anything. .

"I'm just worried about you El. Do you not see how much weight you've lost? Too much." I started the movie back up. Ellie shifted away from me.

I tried to focus on the movie but couldn't. I paused the it again. "I'm sorry. I worry."

"I know. And I hate that you feel like you have to worry about me all the time." I watched as her hand rubbed her face. She was struggling. I was making it worse.

I took her hand. "I know." I started the movie back up, but she didn't move from where she had wedged herself away from me. I never should have left her today. Not for even a second. Her hand was tapping and foot shaking. She needed to move.

I looked at her, she wasn't looking my way. "Walk." I wasn't asking her. She looked at me, her eyes completely unfocused. "Ellie?"

She shook her head. "Sorry. Yeah." She stood up. My heart was hurting seeing her like this already again. I put my hands on her face and told her it was okay. Kissed her. Tried to will her to be okay. We went out the back door and up the hill to the trails. We stopped at the top. She loved the view from here, usually sat down and just took it all in. She didn't tonight.

We went on the trails. There wasn't a lot of daylight left, so I kept us close. I avoided the one that had our tree on it. Neither of us was ready for that memory yet. She started to relax. I loved watching the way being outside, in nature, almost always transformed her. I wished I could find a way to have to same affect on her. Or find a way to have the effect last.

We got back inside, and I watched as she realized the changes to the kitchen. I had started painting and the walls were mostly bare. I explained how I was supposed to be getting the house ready to sell. I made the mistake of telling her I was supposed to have done it months ago. I could see her overthinking, blaming herself for why I hadn't. She looked completely overwhelmed. I was mad at myself, assured her it was okay, that the kids were fine with us moving. It didn't help. I filled the space between us and hugged her. She relaxed into my arms.

I asked her if she wanted to watch some TV. Maybe I could salvage this night, I didn't feel like I was doing anything right for her. We sat down together on the couch. She didn't wedge herself away from me, instead she was curled up next to me. I put my arm around her, grateful something was going right.

It didn't take long when I heard her breathing change and felt her head start to bob. Her neck was going to hurt if she fell asleep like this. "El."

She put her head up, rubbing her neck. "Yeah?"

"You were falling asleep. I don't mind, but you don't have to sleep on the couch." I wanted her to stay. Her face was filled with confusion. "No one is home Ellie. No one else is going to be in my bed. If you're tired, we can go upstairs." The look that filled her face made me hurt. She looked terrified. Of me? Of staying here. Of us? Everything. I didn't know.

As much as I wanted her to stay, I didn't want her to think she had to. Slow and steady. Slow and steady. Don't be selfish.

"You don't have to stay Ellie. But you can if you want to." She was sitting there still processing, her anxiety was rolling off her. I took her hand. "I wish you didn't get so overwhelmed. I hate it for you."

She told me she hated it for me. Hated being this way. She didn't have control over it though. I knew this. I knew, had always known, that if she could control it, she would never be like this. I could see the battle going on behind her eyes.

We sat back, she leaned into me, her eyes were closing again. "El."

"I'm fine."

"You're also tired." I knew by the way she was holding her body what she was going to say to me. She wasn't staying.

My heart fell. "Okay. Did I do something El?" Had I pushed her too hard? Did I need to hug her more? Leave türkçe bahis her be more? I didn't know. I needed her to help me help her.

She quietly said no. I looked at her. All I could say was "El." I wanted to beg her to stay. I couldn't do that though. It wasn't fair to her.

She was shaking. "Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck." Came out of her mouth. My arms instinctively wrapped around her. If she could feel how much I loved her, maybe I could stop the panic before it took over her body. "Stop. Please." She tried to pull away from me. I held her tighter. She was struggling to get me to release her. I wasn't letting go.

"Why? Why can't I try to help you Ellie? Why do you constantly push me away when you are struggling? Why won't you let me in all the way?" Her eyes told me everything. That fucking night was going to haunt her forever. She pulled away again and I let her.

She was shaking again. She sat down on the floor, I sat next to her. She could push and push, but I wasn't leaving her. It wasn't happening. Her hands went to her face, she was raking them down, leaving marks behind. "I hate this. I fucking hate being like this."

"I know." I put my head on her shoulder. She let me. The panic never fully found her. I sighed. I was grateful. She apologized. I couldn't handle that. "No. No more sorry. We have to stop being sorry for having feelings El. You have to stop being sorry for struggling. It's okay." I took my hand off her shoulder and moved to sit facing her. I needed her to see my eyes, my face while I spoke to her. "I keep hoping that night won't be the first thing you think of every time you see me. I see it in your eyes Ellie, every time." She turned her face away from me.

No. She wasn't doing this. I put my finger under her chin and turned her back to me. She had to see me, to hear me. "It isn't what I think about when I see you. You are living in guilt and pain and you can't find your way out of it. You almost do then it sucks you back in. Last night was perfect. Last night was just the start though Ellie. If we are going to make us work, you have to let me help you when you need it. There's no part of me you've lost forever Ellie. I'm not going anywhere."

She was crying again. All her tears made me more driven to make her smile for every time she'd cried. I would do it eventually. She tried to speak. I was worried she was going to apologize again. Instead she asked if she could stay. "Of course." I wrapped her in another hug then brought her upstairs. I handed her stuff to sleep in. Stuff that a year ago, were snug on her. Tonight, they were loose.

She promised to try to do better eating. I just wanted her healthy. She wasn't right now. I kissed her, put my forehead to hers. "I love you. Every part of you."

Her eyes were already closed, she whispered, "Even the crazy parts?"

"Even those." I laid down next to her, she nuzzled in close. It was only minutes later that her breathing evened out, her body totally relaxed. I gave her a few more minutes then slipped out of the bed. I quietly walked downstairs and locked up the house.

I cleaned up the living-room and kitchen then let Jessie know her mom wasn't coming home tonight.

Me- she's staying. She had a tough time tonight.

Jessie- okay. Is she okay now?

Me- she's sleeping.

Jessie- thank you

Me- for what?

Jessie- for loving her

I had to close my eyes and let myself take that in. I didn't have a choice in loving her. I had never had a choice from the moment my eyes first saw her 2 years ago. Loving her was all I could do.

Me- night Jes.

Jessie- night ??

*

We spent the next day together. She took me out kayaking. She was still light years better than I was. Every time a wake from a boat or jet ski hit my kayak, I was hit with the fear of tipping over. She tethered us together, got me off the lake when it got busy.

Neither of us was tall enough to easily get the kayaks on or off my Jeep. We laughed more that day than I had in the last year. Sitting in the middle of the lake, just being together was bittersweet. I couldn't help but think about all the time we had missed.

When we got back, we ate more take-out and I wanted to watch a movie. She didn't want to try re-watch Mannequin. I had a feeling I'd never see it again. We ate in the kitchen, I wanted to keep the stimulation to a minimum for her, so eating while watching wasn't happening.

She picked out 'Silver Linings Playbook'. I didn't know what to make of that. We had watched it once together. It was my favorite movie. I watched it once without her, just the other day. I didn't want to tell her I had a just watched it. That watching it with new eyes the other night scared me a little. Not enough to change my mind about being with her though.

She pressed play on the remote, took my hand and we watched. I wondered if she was worried I would get scared off. While we sat in the middle of the lake in the kayaks, she had opened up to me. güvenilir bahis siteleri Told me about her first stay at a facility in college, the reason she graduated late. I had a better understanding of her issues now. This movie had been one of the few she reacted to when we watched it so long ago, I knew why now. I wasn't going anywhere.

I laid down, my head on her lap. She stroked my forehead, my arm, played with my hair. I was going nowhere; I was incapable of leaving her. I showed her that after the movie too. That I was in this, all the way. Having her naked in my bed was something I wanted to get used to.

*

A few days later, I met my mom for breakfast. I hadn't told her how back together Ellie and I were. I didn't need to. She saw it all over my face when I walked into the coffee house. We talked. She asked me how getting the house ready was going. She knew the answer. Slow.

"Jody." I suddenly felt like my 13-year-old self who hadn't cleaned up her bedroom when she was supposed to. She was giving me her patented 'Mom' look.

"I know. I do. Joe is coming tomorrow to get his stuff and he said he would give me a hand over the next couple weeks." I had other priorities. And I wasn't going to apologize for that.

She was just worried that the kids had dealt with enough changes and prolonging this wasn't fair to them. "Your father and I can come help too Jody."

I knew that too. I just wasn't motivated to get this task done. I had such a different view of this time than what my reality was. I was having a hard time dealing with that. I moved the conversation away from me and my shit.

We hugged goodbye, I had to get to work. In my bag was a new picture of Ellie and me. I got inside my office and opened the bottom drawer of my desk. The frame was exactly where I had left it almost a year ago. I picked it up. Looked closely at the picture. I remembered us from back then. Neither of us had a clue what was coming. I grieved for the two people in that picture. We would never be them again.

I opened the back and put the new picture in. We were both smiling, her eyes were bright, my smile wasn't fake. Jessie had taken it 2 days ago, printed us each a copy.

I put her back where she belonged. The picture of Joe and I, with my fake smile, was long gone. Now it was her and I, my kids and a new one of Timmy and Jessie I was adding today too. I knew it wouldn't take Amy long to notice, so I kept my door shut for the day. I didn't want to share her yet.

The early weeks moved quickly. I went right home from work now. Left on time and went right home. Ellie cooked a lot and ate. She was already noticeably less thin. The weeks Joe had the kids Ellie and I would hang at her house mostly. The weeks I had the kids she came here, and we watched movies like we used to. Kevin was pleased she was back. He had even said to me, "I told ya she would be back Mom, I told you." He sure had.

I was ready for us to be a real couple. To have people know. Ellie wasn't. She wanted to be, she tried to be, but even talking about it caused the tells to come back full force. Slow and steady. It was hard.

I wanted to go away. Just us. Jessie was leaving for college in a week and Ellie was going back to work. My house was officially on the market. She was already showing signs of her anxiety getting worse. We walked almost every day. I thought maybe time away from it all would be good, for both of us. I knew I needed it. Amy found me a great deal on Groupon. She had noticed the picture a few days after I put it there. She never said a word.

Ellie didn't want to go at first. She wanted something more like when we went to New Hampshire, or to not go anywhere. I had already paid for the room at the casino. Finally, she reluctantly agreed to go. I promised her I wouldn't leave her side. Not for a second. We were together but not out, not even in our own homes. We needed some time we could just be together.

She struggled on the drive, so I cranked the music. It drew her out. We checked in and ended up on the 28th floor. Fuck. I hate heights. I almost refused it, but Ellie needed to be in a room, now. I looked at her, her left hand was twitching bad. I had figured out long ago she was very unaware of the way her hand took on a life if its own when she was anxious. She knew her leg bounced, but not much else. I didn't see any purpose in pointing these things out to her. I just kept my eye on them.

I told check in the room would be fine. We got our key and went into the elevator. I hated these too. Ellie put her hand on the small of my back while we rode. We got to the room and went inside. She made her way to the window. I stayed back. She stood there taking in the view for a moment, then closed the outer curtain. The view was gone. I could breathe again.

We didn't even make it to the bed. I was very happy the room had been ready. After we tried out the bed, Ellie was falling asleep. It pained me to tell her not to, but I was hungry. She tried to keep me in bed, but my stomach won. It took some time to coax her to leave the room, to enter the world, but we did, together. We argued at the restaurant about the fact I was not drinking. If she didn't drink, I didn't drink. End of story.