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Chapter 1 ? "Then It Begins"

The luscious Asian writhed her lithe figure up and down the man's body, squealing in muffled contentment. Her smooth tanned skin was covered in perspiration and her breasts bobbed up and down as she ground her ass against him.

I quickened my pace, my wrist starting to burn from sheer exhaustion. The hottie on my computer monitor came up for a breath and the video shot to the dude's face. "Aww, Jesus man." Why the fuck do they always have to show the close-up of the dude's face? Is this really fucking necessary? It's not like scores and scores of women get off to the wonderful looking men of porn every night. It's debatable, but I'm fairly certain. And even if they do, I'll put money on the fact that their not looking at the dude's "face" either. His features were contorted in what I guess was ecstasy, although it looked like she was biting his dick off rather than sucking it. I tried to forget about it and keep my groove but this guy was so damn ugly. He kind of looked like a leprechaun.

"KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!" What was left of my boner leapt back into the safety of my boxers with frightening speed. Goddamn it, who was it now! I was about to start cursing the little prick, no pun intended, for cowardice, when my mother's booming voice came from the hallway. "Cam, isn't it time for bed?" Oh God, here we go again.

First of all, I was 18. She had no right telling me when to go to sleep. Secondly, it was 9:30 on a Tuesday. The woman was going senile. And thirdly, lastly, and definitely most importantly...actually there is no third reason. She shouldn't be knocking on my door. However, arguing with stupid people is a useless venture.

"I'll go to sleep in a few minutes mom, just finishing up some homework" is what I said. What I thought was "Jesus Christ you Nazi bitch, can I not have ten minutes to do my thing in peace?" Just then the Asian onscreen got stuffed and let out a nice shrill "Oh yeah, fuck me!"

"What did you say Cam?" Shit, she must be pressed up against the door or something.

"I'm studying mom, go away." I paused the video temporarily and waited to hear her footsteps retreating down the hallway before resuming. My little buddy slowly came back to life and after a few more minutes of *ahem* studying, I rubbed one off into a wad of tissue paper. How depressing...

My name is Cameron Blake. Yes, I realize that I have two first names. Yes, I am OK with that. I live in White Prairie, Pennsylvania, also known as boring ass place in boring ass state. I live on Franklin Street, third house down, the one with the red fence. I'm the guy next door, your ordinary teenager, an average Joe in every sense of the word. I have brown hair and brown eyes, am 6 feet tall, and have finely chiseled *cough* semi-chiseled abs. Most importantly however, I'm a guy that isn't getting laid and should be. This is how I've come to know my existence.

I collapsed on my bed. Work was hell tonight. It was another grueling night at Jolly's Video Rental and Sale. If I have to tell anyone else to have a "jolly jolly day" I'm gonna vomit all over them. Breathe in, breathe out. Relax Cam. I stared at the white plaster ceiling above me. For some reason I thought of the sex scene from Basic Instinct where Sharon Stone and that guy screw in the room with the mirror on the ceiling. I wonder if I could sleep in a bed with a mirror right above me. It'd probably scare the hell out of me whenever I woke up. I could probably fuck in one though, especially one with Sharon Stone in it.

"This sucks ass," I said aloud, referring to life. Actually I was referring to beating off. Life was not that bad. I just wanted a little poontang. I don't know, I wasn't bad-looking by any means but I was just so god damn ordinary. You could practically rename me John Smith and stamp "WASP" on my forehead. I closed my eyes and began to drift off to dream world. Circles began swirling round and round, and then those crazy sheep starting jumping around...and then I had to piss. I hopped out of bed in my boxers, unlocked my door, and scratched my ass as I walked to the bathroom. I drained my lizard and stood in front of the sink washing my hands. I stared hard at my reflection in the mirror/medicine-cabinet combo every house in the country has. That's when it happened. I looked down at the sink to splash some water over my face, and when I looked back up at my reflection, I saw a black man with a purple hat standing directly behind me. My reaction was normal. I screamed like a girl and swung around falling on my ass. But as I looked around the room, I realized that there was no black man. What the hell is going on? "Are you okay Hun?" My mother's voice could reach me anywhere I went in this damn house.

"Shut-up mom, I'm studying," I yelled. The black man had disappeared. He was nowhere in sight. Maybe it's me that's going senile. I shook it off and started to feel self-pity for going nuts at such a young age when I got up again and glanced back in the mirror. That crazy black man glanced right back at me. After poker oyna falling over again, and yelling to my mother to shut-up again, I finally gathered myself together and looked into the mirror one more time. The black guy smiled at me and his gold teeth glinted in the light. Was I dreaming? There really couldn't be some black dude in my mirror, could there? "Um...hello" I said, oddly worried about what to say rather than realizing that I was talking to a fucking mirror. I reached out and started to poke the mirror and the black dude looked at me like I was a retard. Strangely, the mirror then spoke.

"Hello Cameron," It said. "I am the Pimp-Fairy." I must have been dreaming because only my twisted imagination could come up with something called a Pimp-Fairy. "I have come to bestow upon you a great and marvelous gift."

I thought for a second and, in all my wisdom, spoke aloud. "What the fuck are you doing in my mirror, black man!"

He continued. "Cameron, you have been selected by the great, wise, all-knowing Player to be the next recipient of the greatest of treasures. You are the one, Cameron."

"The one what?" I asked.

"The one who isn't getting laid and should be." He said. Well shit, yay for me I suppose. "Prepare to receive your gift, The Power of The Pimp!!!"

I kind of chuckled but then stopped, realizing again that I was still talking to a mirror. The little black man reflection waved his golden cane. "It is done" he finally replied. Then I snapped.

"Dude, what the fuck are you doing my mirror, and what is this gift!?..?And what the fuck are you doing in my mirror!"

"Cameron, from this moment forth, you are hereby blessed by the Pimp-Fairy. No more will women idly pass you by. No more will you jack off to cheap porn. No longer will you remain a virgin. You have inherited the Power of The Pimp! From now on, you are irresistible to women!"

I stared at the mirror for a second or two. I poked it again and the black man just shook his head disapprovingly at me. I turned and walked out of the bathroom. Man, I've got to stop smoking so much weed. Dismissing this little encounter as merely mild hallucinations from something or another I re-entered my room and collapsed on my bed. I have seriously got to get more sleep. I closed my eyes and chuckled to myself. "Pimp-Fairy, hehehe. That's funny." I slowly drifted off into a blissful land of gumdrops and sugarplums but something was off. I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was, but I couldn't help but feel a little bit...peculiar...

Chapter 2 ? "My Spidey Sense is tingling!"

Let's get something straight here. Why the fuck are alarm clocks so harsh? I realize that people need to wake up but why to this terrible alarm klaxon. I started using an alarm to wake myself up 4 years ago and already it is making me psychotic. I shit you not. Whenever I hear an alarm while awake, I go fucking insane. I remain cool on the outside, so people think I'm sane and shit but on the inside, nothing is holding me back from taking a sledgehammer to the face of that guy next to me. I also developed an interesting defense mechanism. Whenever I'm lying in bed, asleep, and my alarm goes off, my brain doesn't wake up right away. The first body part to move is my left arm. The moment the auditory nerve sends the signal of the alarm noise to my brain (still asleep mind you) my arm flies out of the sheets straight towards the alarm clock at blistering speeds. The arm is equally intelligent as it is fast. It knows exactly which button to push. It doesn't hit the snooze button, oh no, because it knows that this will only provide momentary safety from the harsh noise. Instead, it goes for the tiny button above the alarm button with the little nipple on top. It goes for this button because it knows that it will turn the alarm clock off for good and successfully end the threat. Most of the time I awake before my arm can finish its task but every once in a while, it moves with such dexterity that I never even wake up. I hate when this happens. It makes me late for school because, like most kids, I set my alarm to give me about 20 minutes to shower, shit, shave, and drive to school. The magical time I was to wake up was 7:40. Because of the delicate pattern in which I follow the afore-mentioned activities to allow maximum utility for my time, waking up even a minute after my alarm should have woke me throws the entire balance out of whack. I looked at the clock. It said 7:50. I said "Oh shit." My mother said "Get up you lazy scoundrel, you'll be late for school." I said "grumble, grumble, grumble."

Normally it takes several seconds to gather my thoughts together when I wake up but when I'm late I'm empowered by this sort of "panic energy". I literally jumped out of bed and as soon as I did, I noticed a difference. Something was...not quite right. I felt a little heavier, so to speak. Despite my lack of time I stopped short. I glanced over at my wall mirror and instantly remembered the words I heard last night from that crazy black dude in the mirror. canlı poker oyna Didn't he call himself the Pimp-Fairy? That's fucking hilarious; I'll tell my friends about that one. But he also told me something else.

"Cameron, from this moment forth, you are hereby blessed by the Pimp-Fairy. No more will women idly pass you by. No more will you jack off to cheap porn. No longer will you remain a virgin. You have inherited the Power of The Pimp! From now on, you are irresistible to women!"

I don't know how I remembered that entire paragraph, but I did. Hmmm. I scratched my tummy while I pondered these cryptic words. My eyebrows instantly rose as I felt something strange under my shirt. It almost felt like...definition. I ripped off my shirt and beheld a body not of this earth. "HOLY SHIT!" I had the tummy of a Greek God. In fact, I had the entire physique of Greek God, and a really crunk-diesel one at that. I still had the same thin frame I always had but I was now equipped with a fully defined six-pack and some kick-ass man-boobs as well. This would certainly explain that strange feeling I had, but where did all this come from? To tell the truth, I really didn't care. I started flexing in the mirror and admiring how goddamn beautiful I was but my mother brought me back to reality, "Cameron, wake up!" God I hate that bitch. I put my shirt back on to avoid the stupid questions she was bound to ask and that I definitely couldn't answer and headed for the shower.

My mother gave me one of those sinister glances as I brushed past her. I tried not to look in her eyes. She was like the medusa. I feigned coughing while calling her a "bitch" but she heard what I said. "I heard that you little bastard" She said, and smiled as she walked away. She always thinks I'm joking when I insult her. Heh, I am SO far from joking. My friends think I'm an asshole for treating my mother the way I do but that's because they don't know what that horrible witch did to me as a child. I was a sick child but had a lot of fun anyways. I had a ton of friends and tons of stuff to do all the time. Then I developed asthma and that bitch started giving me steroids from the doctor to fend it off. Now one thing is true. When you take steroids and work out, they make you huge. Well, when you're sick and young and take them for medicinal purposes, they make you huge too. Those damn pills made me so fat it was frightening. It took me 4 years to lose the weight but I'm still recovering from the emotional abuse of 1st graders who didn't know what kind of anguish they caused by making fun of the fat kid.

I walked into the bathroom, locked the door behind me, and stared into the mirror. I once more took off my shirt and admired the radical change that occurred over night. I gave a good arm-flex but over my bulging biceps I caught the reflection of a clock hanging on the opposite wall. It was 8 o'clock already. I had better put the heat on or I was going to be quite late for school. This was not the time to be ogling over my supremely luscious new body. I pulled the shower curtain open and turned on the showerhead. I tested the water, ripped off my PJ pants, and jumped in. It was then that something hit me. Yeah, it was water, but something else hit me as well. Something else felt a little heavier. You know what I mean. I glanced down and nearly fainted. A single ray of light shined through the bathroom window and fell upon my penis. The sound of Handel's Hallelujah Chorus began to reverberate throughout the bathroom. My god, it was beautiful.

I went to bed with a bit less than 6 inches, fully erect, but woke up with what I would guess to be 8 or 9 inches while soft! I reached down and touched it. Every man knows every intricacy of his own dick but this one was new to me. To be honest, it felt a little strange touching a foreign penis. I shook off those slightly homosexual thoughts and marveled at its design. This was no ordinary penis. It looked as if it was sculpted out of marble by Michaelangelo. I could tell that under its rather large surface appearance, it contained a power unfathomable to the ordinary man. It seethed with sexual energy. I knew I was strapped for time but I had to try this puppy out. I mean, who wouldn't? I closed my eyes and pictured Christi Turlington bouncing up and down on my brand new cock. The beast instantly came to life, rising like a fucking Frankenstein. It pulsated with energy and filled up with rock hard power. I couldn't erase the smile from my face if I tried. Well, I started doing my thing, and to make a long story short, I never had a better orgasm in my life. My arm was a little tired from moving up and down my enormous length but it was well worth it. Also, I could kill people with this thing. When I climaxed, it fired about ten shots with the velocity of a .22 rifle. Damn, that Pimp-Fairy is the shit. My shower did take a bit longer than expected, especially since I was late, but I think that's fair considering what he gave me. So far, in one hour of my day, I awoke to find myself wrapped in a fabulous new body internet casino with a cock that could make Jenna Jameson scream in pain. Well, maybe not Jenna, but you get the picture. I could only imagine what the rest of the day had in store for me. The Pimp-Fairy didn't even mention a new body. To say the least, I was giddy with anticipation. I got out of the shower and flexed a few more times before I tried to pull my jeans on, failing violently. My legs had grown in size with muscle overnight and I was barely able to pull the fuckers up on the second try, and even then, I had to do several lunges in my room to stretch them out enough to retain my dignity. Satisfied that I didn't look gay, I headed downstairs.

After grabbing a pop tart and scowling at my mother a little more I walked out of the house to my car. If only that fairy could have given me a better car. I sighed upon sight of my 89' Plymouth Acclaim. If you've ever seen this particular model of shit, you know what I mean. As I opened the car door, the pleasant smell of my particular brand of air freshener wafted into my nostrils. Damn my car smelled like weed. I started the ignition and checked the clock. Homeroom had begun 5 minutes ago but I didn't fucking care. I had a huge dick. I pulled out of the driveway and drove to school. 3 joints later I pulled into my parking spot and emerged from my vehicle with a huge grin on my face and a cup of Starbucks coffee in my hand. I usually only smoke one in the morning but this was a special occasion. I had a huge dick. I breathed in the fresh air, slung my bag over my shoulder and walked down the walkway towards my destiny.

I strolled crookedly down the broken cement walkway to the school and sipped some more of my coffee. Have you ever read the label on the Starbucks cups? That shit cracks me up.

"It is a fleeting moment: With the eyes of an artist, the Starbucks master roaster watches for the perfect roast?"

Give me a break, it's fuckin' coffee. And me thinks that that fleeting moment snuck past them this morning anyway. Every once in a while, Starbucks coffee tastes like a bag of hot garbage. Fleeting moment my ass. I should've expected as much when the on-duty master roaster is a scary 6'7" black lady named Jolanda who sounds like Barry White. I'm always wary about women that can crush me with their bare hands.

As I walked into the hallway, I noticed they were barren. "Oh shit," I said aloud while starting to laugh hysterically for no apparent reason. Jesus, I was stoned. Classes must have already started. I was pretty damn late. I giggled a little more and took a slow jog to my locker. The only thing that sucked about smoking before school is that I could never remember my locker combination. On this morning, because I was feeling particularly groovy, it took a modest 7 attempts. I finally clicked open the locker and hung up my coat. Suddenly, my concentration was destroyed by the sensation of two feminine hands squeezing my ass. Surprised, I quickly turned around and found myself face to face with Sasha Yimin. In complete shock, I backed up and smacked up against the lockers. Sasha was the kind of girl that could have that effect on a man. She had that effect on me especially, because I'm such a hit with the ladies (heavy sarcasm). "Oh Randy, I would have never recognized you by the shape of your ass, have you been working out?" Time froze.

While time is frozen, let me paint you a picture of Sasha. First of all, she is hot as hell. She had long black hair to just below her shoulders with a few dark brown highlights. Her face was the perfect complexion, slightly tanned, but not overly dark. Her eyes were bright green and absolutely gorgeous. They were obviously modified by those colored contacts, but it just made her even more beautiful. She also wore just the right amount of eye shadow to make you think she had dark and mysterious intentions. This, combined with her dark eyeliner, accentuated her eyes so that you could easily get lost in them if the rest of her body didn't tear you away. Her red lips were slightly open in that sexy half-smile girls like to do with guys they tease but something told me that she wasn't trying to tease me. Her lovely neck led down to her lovely petite shoulders and arms that were a perfect athletic shape. They weren't so thin that she looked anorexic and they weren't too thick, like some of those beastly basketball players. Her breasts were perfect like the rest of her. About the size of oranges, they were perky with youth. She always walked with her chest jutted out because they were so magnificent. Under those wonderful globes was her stomach, flat with the slightest definition that was barely discernible at first glance. Her belly button was adorable. The stomach is my favorite part of a woman, hinting at the treasures beneath and above, and hers was perfect. Her waist widened slightly to her hips and to her long wonderful legs. They were legs that have never been scarred or chaffed. They were legs that went on for miles. They were legs I'd like to feel wrapped around my back. She was a goddess, and did I mention a cheerleader? She was wearing the standard bare mid-dress outfit of our school's squad, emblazoned with a panther between her tits and adorned with our school's colors, black and dark purple.