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I stand at the vanity, hands on each side of the sink, willing my jellied nerves to turn to steel. I shouldn?t be this nervous. I know the person on the other side of this door. My mind glosses over the first time I saw Isaac, tall and handsome and so clearly out of my league. One year later and I?m still unconvinced why he chose me. He?s everything I?m not; fearless, gorgeous, unyieldingly talented. Every time he looks at me my heart blooms with excitement, my insides a garden cultivated by his smile and touch.These last four months have been anything but bliss. Tonight, I want to change that. If only I knew how.Adjusting my shirt for the fifth time, I pull the tie out of my hair and shake out the dark waves. The sigh that escapes me is frustrated. I wish I were taller, curvier, someone worthy of standing next to a catch like Isaac. My cinnamon brown skin is clear and smooth, my features soft, but I?m hopelessly average and absurdly short. I stand an inch away from five feet tall, often times mistook for younger than my twenty-four years. If it weren?t for my chest and hips, I would live in a perpetual state of erroneous adolescence. It bothers me to no end, but Isaac doesn?t mind. He?s never once jested of my height, a courtesy I immensely cherish.Deciding my reflection isn?t going to reflect what I want, I open the door.Isaac is staring out the window, eyes so lifeless you?d think he was focused on a brick wall. Or his eyes are the wall, blank as a fresh sheet of sketch paper. I try not to let that unwind me.?Hey.? He doesn?t acknowledge me. Only when I?m sitting beside him do I draw his attention.?Hey.? His voice is as listless as his expression. We?re both quiet, and I know our minds have gone to the same place. I am tired of this place. I spend too much time thinking about how drastically our lives have changed. How his life has changed. My eyes roam his black hair, wide shoulders, hands that haven?t touched me enough lately, the somber set of his brows.?Are you hungry?? I ask, avoiding what I really want to say. He shakes his head. ?We can play a card game - watch a movie.??Whatever you want.? If he spoke any more subdued, he?d be dead. I can feel the emotion bubbling inside me, threatening to boil, first in my stomach, then in my chest. I try to simmer it with a deep breath.Knowing no words will suffice, I decide on actions.Leaning over, I set my face parallel with his, hand stroking the stubble along his jaw. It doesn?t fully pull him from the abyss he?s in, but it does bring him to the surface. When I press my lips to his, the lines of our mouths meeting, it almost feels foreign. I hadn?t realized until this particular moment that we?ve hardly kissed lately. I know a lot has been going on, but that aberrant fact makes my heart ache. Escort Anadolu yakası We can?t possibly be drifting apart. Sometimes it feels like maybe we?re both drowning, but drifting? The thought makes me kiss him harder.He responds, one hand reaching up to feel the soft peach fuzz at the base of my hairline, his fingers drawing out my chagrin. He has always had the ability to make me feel better, even now, after all this time.When my mouth opens to allow him entrance, he shares my breath but doesn?t offer his tongue. Conductors as we are, the electric current is lost between us when our lips part. He?s pulling away from me, though our foreheads are still together, and I am disappointed again.?Isaac-??I can?t do this, Nita.? His words are a baseball bat to my stomach, the sensation rippling through my bones.?What do you mean???You know what I mean,? he says, taking his hand away.?No, I don?t,? I insist, or more, refuse.?I can?t do this to you!? His reply is sharp, though he tries to keep his voice down.?Isaac, we?ve been over this.??I know, again and again, but we both know why this has to end.??Isaac, please,? I beg, grasping at his hand. My adrenaline wells furiously, like whitewater rapids, threatening to burst from my numb body. My heart is rising so fast it?s practically in my throat, joining where my stomach already went.He pulls his hand away, and I start shaking.?I?m not going to let you do this.? I try to sound firm and not desperate.?Nita-??Listen to me, Isaac,? I snap, my hard voice causing him pause. ?I?m not going anywhere.It?s been four months. If I were going to leave, I?d have left already.? The anger emanating from him propels more words to come from my mouth. ?When are you going to understand, this isn?t out of pity.? The ?P? word makes his face twist. ?I know things aren?t the same for you, and I can?t even begin to imagine what that?s like. But I?m here for you.??Don?t you get it?? he interjects, leaning forward in his chair. ?You deserve more, Nita. More than I can give you.??You claim you don?t want pity, yet here you are; putting it all on yourself.??I know what I am!? he growls, and I shut my mouth like a timid mouse. We have yet to actually fight about this, but it?s happening now. Months worth of eggshell laden conversation spilling out of us.?What happened - it?s done, and neither of us can change it. You shouldn?t be forced to make the choice to stay, so I?m making it for you.? Now I am angry.?You don?t think I?m capable of making my own choices?? I whisper, and guilt touches his bitter expression. ?I don?t need anyone making decisions on my behalf. Not even you.? I stand up, his dark eyes following. ?Things did change. That?s what life is; change, a never-ending Kurtköy escort cycle of good and bad, but us - we are good, Isaac, and you know that. Despite what you think, I?m not giving up anything.? He is silent as he stares at me.?You are what I want. You always will be. Do you understand?? I can feel the crease between my brows as I ask this question, the heat of his gaze as he contemplates pushing me away. I was always afraid he outweighed me, that he was so much more than me, but now I realize neither of us is above the other. He may feel that I outweigh him, but we are equal, and I need him to see that.Isaac releases our locked eyes and looks down to his lap.The air is so still a pin drop would rival the tone of an avalanche.I watch the man of my dreams percolate in self-hate, marinate in unfair compromise, the life he once had seeming out of his reach. But it doesn?t have to be. He is still here, and so am I, and I have never wanted him to look at me more than I do right now.Grabbing the hem of my shirt, I pull it over my head, brunette curls slipping out and framing my small shoulders. Isaac looks up. When I unbind the brass button on my jeans, his eyes go to my hands, watching. In mismatched bra and panties, I have never felt more confident. I unhook the black bra and cast it aside, tug the red satin down my legs, and bare myself completely - body and soul all for him.He still doesn?t speak, eyes drinking me in as if I were a glass of ice water placed in the hell-like desert he?s been living.I?ve never been physically outgoing. I don?t find myself suited for seduction, considering my body type one that doesn?t entice desire. Throughout our year-long relationship, I have been shy. The first time we slept together, I begged Isaac to turn the lights off. He slowly brought me out of my shell, has always called me beautiful, but I didn?t dare believe it.Standing before him, there is no better way to show that I want to believe him now. When his eyes come back to my face, I walk toward him. Carefully, I set myself on his lap, and he immediately reaches out to hold me. Every bit the vixen I never was, I turn his face to mine and kiss him. It is long and slow, his hands reaching up my back to pull me closer.?God, Nita,? he exhales, my bare breasts pressing onto his t-shirt. Beneath his reluctance there is desire, and I believe the longing in his sigh more than the words he nearly shouted. He doesn?t want me to leave, and I would do anything to stay.My plan began on a foundation of want but is quickly building with need. It?s been much too long since we?ve done this, and we both need it.Tugging on his shirt, Isaac helps me pull it over his head. I grip his densely muscled shoulders resembling the color Maltepe escort bayan of coffee, his wide hands roaming me with urgency. Fueled by his yearning, I slither down his body, kneeling on the floor. When my delicate hands touch his zipper, he stops me.?Wait,? he says, hand on mine. Naked and on my knees, I look up and find him nervous. Normally I?m the apprehensive one. Seeing his masculine disposition unbarred, I have never felt closer to him. My confidence is unrivaled.?It's okay,? I say, kissing his knuckles with deliberately sensual lips. ?Let me.?I don't know what he sees on my face, but it makes him comply. His Adam's apple bobs as he removes his hand, and I continue. Pants undone, my warm breath caresses his gaping jeans, and I see him grow beneath his boxers.A sight so common for two lovers, the display of his arousal is so much more.Peeking up under my lashes, Isaac?s hungry gaze makes my stomach wring. Inhibited no longer, I shamelessly reach into the material and free his straining appendage. Hard, solid, firm, thick - I never knew these words to be beautiful until now. They describe everything he is in reaction to me, a fact I never realized I took for granted.With the will of a starving woman, I take his dark meat in my mouth, and the noise he lets out makes my skin prickle. I can see him gripping the arms of his chair as I work my way around him, tongue wetting every centimeter of his warm length.?Holy shit, Nita,? he groans. I can feel his pleasant surprise hanging in the air the way humidity hangs in the south. ?Baby - fuck,? he hisses, slipping his fingers into my hair. He amorously glides strands away from my face, watching my head bow in his lap, over and over.I?ve given him head plenty of times, but never so ambitiously. I am hungry for him, famished for his pleasure, aching to make him feel better. My performance exhibits everything I want to express, that which there are no words for.?Wow, Nita,? he marvels, and I hum, trying to unhinge my jaw so I can fit more of him in. He grunts every time my esophagus closes around his tip.I suck him with avidity I?ve never known. Lips kissing his circumference as he moves into my throat, tongue massaging restlessly when I pull back, holding him tightly where my mouth can?t reach. He?s wonderfully thick, the weight of him all I could ever want.?Baby,? Isaac warns. ?You have to slow down.? I don?t. I can?t. It is the last thing I want. ?Nita,? he breathes, weeks worth of waiting nearing an end. I suck impossibly harder, feeling his hands encompass my head, his breath inhaled and kept. When I pull up with a hard draw, he exhales loudly, pulling me off his dick.?Come here, now,? he demands, and as I catch my breath, I start yanking off his pants. He lifts himself to help, and soon he?s as naked as me. Literally climbing onto his lap, I set my legs over each armrest of the chair, and with his guidance, begin to take him in.We?re both open-mouthed as I am slowly impaled, his hands under my ass, carefully moving me down his girth. My bare flesh against his is a heaven I?ll never tire of.